Ooops

Famous Last Words

"A lot of people, on the verge of death, utter famous last words or stiffen into attitudes, as if the final stiffening in three days' time were not enough; they will have ceased to exist three days' hence, yet they still want to arouse admiration and adopt a pose and tell a lie with their last gasp."    — Buy at Amazon.comHenri de Montherlant.
On this page:

They'd better be Anonymous

  • 3... 2... 1... Liftoff !
  • 'Don't try this at home', my ass.
  • "DO NOT OPEN"
  • Click ?? ...This doesn't come with ammo ?
  • AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHhhhh...
  • Actually, there's a knack to opening the Concorde's windows.
  • After I pick up my handgun, let's go see that new Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez flick.
  • And now that I'm running my life support equipment through Windows 95, I'll never have to worry about — beeeeeeeep...
  • Anybody in here have a match ?
  • Are you pregnant or just plain fat ?
  • Aww what cute little fish...
  • Bob, you have any grenades left ? Throw me one...
  • But I thought you were my friend ?
  • But this cartoon about Mohammad is REALLY FUNNY
  • Come outside and say that, Tyson.
  • Comrade Stalin. I don't like your style of management so I'm going to challenge you for the leadership.
  • Coo-er ! Wait until I tell the missus I crashed into a car with a MAF-1 number plate !
  • Cool! If you look through the wrong end of the binoculars, those charging elephants look really far away !
  • Cover me !
  • Cut the red one !
  • Dad, why the apple on my head ?
  • Diamonds... Gold... Sapphires !!! Terry ! Terry, we're rich, we're rich, we're fabulously wealthy !!!! ...Terry..... Terry ??
  • Did you hear thunder ? Oh well hurry up and putt.
  • Did you see that guy's head ? I wonder what did this...
  • Did... go... all... the... way!
  • Didn't we celebrate Mothers Day last year ?
  • Don't be silly. If this was really the ship's self-destruct button, do you think they'd leave it lying around where anyone could press it ?
  • Don't be so superstitious...
  • Don't panic !
  • Don't shoot, it's me...
  • Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
  • Don't worry, even though they have a powerful bite, the muscles that OPEN the jaws are really weak.
  • Don't worry, I can do two things at once.
  • Don't worry, I'll handle it.
  • Don't worry, I read somewhere that bears mostly eat roots and berries.
  • Don't worry, it's not loaded.
  • Don't worry, my parents are asleep
  • Don't worry, Sarah, there are thirty cops in this building (from Terminator 1).
  • Don't worry, this ship won't sink with this little water inside.
  • Don Corleone doesn't suspect a thing.
  • Everybody will be fine, just fi...
  • Excuse me, I'm a tourist and I'm lost.
  • Fancy a quick snifter before we leave Saudi ?
  • For my next trick I will escape from this flaming coffin while wearing a straight jacket and singing Eye Of The Tiger.
  • Gee, that's a cute tattoo.
  • Get your hands off my wife !
  • Give me liberty or give me death.
  • Give this juggernaut driver the 'V' sign while we're overtaking him, would you, darling ?
  • Go ahead you idiot, pull the trigger.
  • God will save me!
  • Good Lord ! It's not often a black cat causes you to break a mirror by crossing your path while you're walking under a ladder on Friday 13th, is it ?
  • Green Zone shmeen zone. I'm going put on my kilt and walk to the market.
  • He's been a perfectly safe driver ever since his first Model T.
  • He's probably just hibernating.
  • Hell's Angel ? Then why are you all dressed like one of the Village People ?
  • Here, kitty, kitty, kitty...
  • Here, you hold this and I'll light it.
  • Hey, I bet I can do that better than you can !
  • Hey, it looks sturdy enough to me.
  • Hey, man, gimme a match. I can't see but I think my gas tank's empty.
  • Hey, that's not a violin.
  • Hey, there's no handles inside these car doors !
  • Hey, we're out ! We're safe !
  • Hmmm... tastes of almonds, yummy...
  • How'd you get this far from the donut shop ? (said to the S.W.A.T. team)
  • How am I doing, Doctor ?
  • How could we possibly lose ?
  • Humpty Dumpty may sound like the name of a plonker, but I know a safe wall when I see one.
  • Hydrogen gas plus oxygen gas makes water,...right ?
  • I'd feel better if we had some crampons. Oh, what the hell, let's go for it...
  • I'll get a world record for this.
  • I'll get your toast out.
  • I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
  • I'll just slip into the commuter lane for a second.
  • I'll put my head in, and see what's inside...
  • I'll take a Big Mac and a Coke.
  • I'm bored...
  • I'm making a citizen's arrest.
  • I'm sure I turned my lights off.
  • I'm sure reinforcements will get here on time. They promised...
  • I've done this before.
  • I've never felt better.
  • I've seen this done on TV.
  • I am challenging you in a duel !
  • I am The Highlander...
  • I bet I can fit in there.
  • I bet most of the gasoline has evaporated by now.
  • I can do that with my eyes closed.
  • I can hold my breath at least that long.
  • I can make this light before it changes.
  • I don't need a helmet for that climb.
  • I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
  • I feel better now...
  • I folded my parachute myself.
  • I have a very bad feeling about this.
  • I know how to handle a flame thrower...
  • I know it's 30,000 volts, but I'm wearing rubber soles.
  • I never get lost.
  • I rather fancy this cheese with the green mold on it.
  • I saw that Crocodile Hunter guy do this...
  • I think it said connect the brown wire to the negative terminal.
  • I told you living off the land was great. First we found wild strawberries, then wild raspberries, and now...wild almonds!
  • I will be back
  • I wonder what the black-and-yellow striped ring above the seat does ?
  • I wonder where the mother bear is.
  • I would never do anything if there was any chance at all my wife would find out
  • If you insist, you can get on top this time...
  • If you were as smart as you think you are, you wouldn't be a cop.
  • Inny meany miny moe...
  • Interesting...
  • Is that a bear ?
  • Is it true that crocodiles do exist in this area ?
  • Is that bone supposed to do that ?
  • It'll be a short ocean voyage. One week's worth of food and water will be enough.
  • It'll shrink in the wash.
  • It's always sunny there this time of the year.
  • It's just a short easy hike.
  • It's OK to format this disk.
  • It's OK, the gay guy with the boils just lent me his hypodermic needle.
  • It's not the voltage, it's the amps that get you.
  • It's pretty much grounded.
  • It's probably just a rash.
  • It's so tame I can put my head in its mouth.
  • It's strong enough for both of us.
  • It's supposed to make that noise.
  • It can't possibly rain for forty days and nights.
  • It doesn't look like the bridge is out.
  • It doesn't look very fast; we can easily swim across...
  • It says "Please press '#' to download your free navigation software upgrade".
  • It says: "Achtung ! Minefield". That's German for "Welcome to Munich" isn't it ?
  • It should be ok to swim in.
  • It shouldn't take long to reach Anchorage.
  • It was fresh just last week.
  • Jason won't find us in this closet.
  • Is it just a coincidence that everyone in your gang is ugly?
  • It's one of the things I've always wanted to do before I die.
  • It's only explosive when it's confined under pressure.
  • It really isn't a red button, its more maroon...
  • It worked on Jackass...
  • Just take whatever you want, this is a ghost town.
  • Just throw me that meat cleaver, would you ?
  • Let's ask those soldiers for directions.
  • Let's drop our weapons and talk.
  • Let me show you the old-school way to do it.
  • Let's not get excited.
  • Let's split up, we'll cover more ground.
  • Let's stay cool.
  • Let it down slowly.
  • Let me handle this...
  • Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press.
  • Look ! No hands !
  • Looks good to me...
  • Maybe the Iranians do need nuclear reactors for energy...
  • Maybe this wasn't such a good idea...
  • Me first ! Me first !
  • My faith will protect me.
  • Nah - flammable means it burns - inflammable is quite safe.
  • Never mind...
  • Nice doggie.
  • No free will? Snort! Would a man who has no free will do THIS ?
  • No problem. That's easy.
  • No retreat, no surrender !

  • [DeleteMyBrowserHistory.jpg]
Delete my browser history.
  • No, darling ! I'm sure they drive on the left over here in France.
  • No, dude, this stuff is completely natural and safe, man. That's why it's called 'herbal'.
  • No, I read once that if you're driving over 55mph on the freeway and pull the key out of the ignition, the steering wheel won't lock, it's designed that way for safety.
  • No, my shoes aren't untied.
  • No, the stream is not strong...
  • Now here's a picture of the Prophet partying with...
  • Of *course* it's bulletproof. Shoot me and you'll see.
  • Of course being colour blind was no barrier to fulfilling my lifelong ambition to work in bomb-disposal... and now for the red wire
  • Of course he's intelligent, he's the President ain't he ?
  • Of course I'm fit to drive.
  • Of course it's sterile.
  • Of course Muslims have a sense of humor...
  • Oh, hi Laur... err Sandra !
  • Oh, I wouldn't worry about that noise. It's probably nothing.
  • Oh, we don't need to follow the instruction manual. It all looks quite obvious.
  • OK honey, you can drive!
  • OK, I'll go ahead and make your day.
  • OK, this is the last time.
  • Okay, let's see if I loaded this thing right...
  • Okay, so helium makes your voice squeaky... what happens with hydrogen ?
  • One more jelly doughnut isn't gonna kill me
  • Oooh! Somebody from Montana sent me a package made entirely of wood!
  • Oooopsss...
  • Pass me a hanky; I'm going to wipe the foam off that dog's mouth.
  • Patchy fog ? On this road ! Don't make me lau...
  • Pick up those 32 empty lager cans, you lout !
  • Pull the pin and count to what ?
  • Question over here, Arnold ! Why does Maria look like a friggin' skeleton?
  • Rat poison only kills rats.
  • See a doctor ? Just for a ruptured aorta and a couple of dozen black suppurating pustules ?!
  • See, it'll be much quicker if I butter the toast while it's still IN the toaster.
  • She won't mind if I take the last piece of chocolate.
  • Sitting Bull! I'm here to teach you a lesson!
  • So, this is Beirut/Iraq/Afghanistan...
  • So, you're a cannibal ?
  • Sorry dear, I won't be home by Mothers' Day, I have to stay on-site and wait for a new patch.
  • Tequila ? That stuff's for wimps! I can drink it all night and still be sober enough to drive home.
  • That's not smoke, that's steam.
  • That's odd...
  • That's strange; you don't usually see many American planes over this part of Hiroshima, do you ?
  • That's the oldest trick in the book.
  • That birthmark on your head looks like 999.
  • That should be at least enough gas to make it across Nevada.
  • The boss won't mind.
  • The ice is safe.
  • The manager just gave me another of those assignments from hell.
  • The odds of that happening have to be a million to one !
  • The piranhas must be full by now.
  • The sign on the door says, "AIRLOCK". I wonder what's inside...
  • The toast is stuck. Pass me the knife, will you.
  • The trick with a charging rhino is to stand perfectly still.
  • There's 300 of us. That should be enough to intimidate the Persians.
  • There's a lovely view if you can lean over this...
  • These are the safe kind of mushrooms.
  • These cockpit lights flash all the time. Don't worry about it.
  • These nuclear plants look lovely when they begin to glow like that, don't they ?
  • They're only ceremonial guards, they're unarmed.
  • They don't look so tough.
  • They only attack when they're hungry.
  • This boat/car/plane is in top condition.
  • This bomb alert must be a joke.
  • This does have a safety catch, doesn't it ?
  • This doesn't taste right.
  • This drink tastes a bit bizarre...
  • This is the best gay biker bar EVER !
  • This one time at band camp...
  • This planet has an atmosphere just like Earth.
  • This will go down in history...
  • This won't hurt.
  • Those noises are probably nothing.
  • Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmbeeeeeeerrr !
  • Trust Me, it's the blue wi.....
  • Two front berths on the Titanic, please.
  • Uh guys ? Hello ? Anyone ?
  • Uh oh...
  • Uh, what does 'explosive decompression' mean ?
  • Violence is not an answer.
  • Wanna see me beat this train ?
  • Was that 'on belay' or 'off belay' ?
  • Watch this...
  • Watch where you're pointing that bow ! You nearly...
  • We'll be perfectly safe behind this much lead plate.
  • We'll be safe enough on this highway if we just follow that traveling salesman's Sierra.
  • We'll let him fire the mortar, he's not too good with a gun.
  • We are all out of candles, so I used lanterns to surround the pentagram...
  • We are now flying over Iraq.
  • Well we've made it this far.
  • Well, here we are on the world's largest hydrogen airship; this calls for a cigare.
  • Well, the sergeant says we have 10 minutes before we attack the fort. Here, let me show you some new photos of my kid that my wife sent me.
  • Well, we're the next best thing to a bank.
  • Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides ?
  • What's that beeping noise ?
  • What's that priest doing here ?
  • What a fine air ship we have gentleman. The Furher is proud of this acheivement. Lets light some cigars to celbrate.
  • What do you mean 'Abestos' arent safe i had them in my house for who knows how long.
  • What do you mean my weapon was made by the cheapest contractor ?
  • What do you mean, "I'll be back" ?
  • Which one of you Ringwraiths ordered the veal ?
  • Whistling sounds ? Naw, they can't have a grenade launcher !
  • Who's a nice sweet cooch-woochy little lion, then ?
  • Who took the battery out of my grav belt ?
  • Whoops ! Did I spill your scotch, McTavish ?
  • Why am I standing on a plastic sheet ?
  • Why are you guys smiling like that ?
  • Why do these candles say T-N-T ?
  • Why is your torch flame turning blue ?
  • Why yes honey, I do think you look fat in that dress.
  • Wow, that sure is an odd-looking lampshade you've got there... it almost looks like it has tattoo.
  • Yeah ? Over my dead body !
  • Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it ?
  • Yeah, we've debugged it thoroughly. It's foolproof.
  • Yes that does make your bum look big, actually...
  • Yes, I'm sure this hold/belay/anchor/rope is good.
  • You're not in the frame yet — stand closer to the cage
  • You are on belay. But whatever you do... don't fall !
  • YOU are the UGLIEST guy I've ever seen !
  • You can't wake them up when they're hibernating.
  • You have a secret room under your house? Cool. I'd love to see it.
  • You look just like Charles Manson.
  • You sure this fireworks' dead ?
  • You will take a check, won't you cabbie ?
  • You won't get me alive !
  • You wouldn't dare...
  • You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you ?


Famous last view !

Some not so Real Ones

And if you want to do something after you're dead, check this site out.


A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible !" says the man. "How long have I got ?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten ?" the man asks. "Ten what ? Months ? Weeks ? What ?!"
"Nine..."


I want to dedicate the following to Jennifer who was misdiagnosed several times in a row by cretin doctors and could have died of a Leptospirosis if it wasn't for the information I found on Internet:


Things Not to Hear During Surgery


Medical Reports

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. The first ones appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting.


A Philosophy on Life

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it?

A death. What's that, a bonus ? I think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work.

You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities.

You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating... you finish off as an orgasm.

It's perfect !